Quote: “Dog is man’s best friend.”

Problem: What about the tiniest, mutated rodent-like teacup “dog” that demands you to hand feed them human food, naps like a king on your lap, and growls when you disrupt its sleep by shifting positions?

Revised quote: “Man is dog’s best friend.”

Question: What about labs? Kayla, our black chicken-cat-dog fits in both categories based on this “Labradorian Theory”:

• They love you so much they shed hair everywhere as a constant reminder of their existence. Expect to have dog hair as part of your diet.

• They are amazing guard dogs. Kayla hides behind me when gardeners come and cowers at the sound of the vacuum.

• They are quite clingy and demanding. Kayla follows me up and down the stairs and nudges my hand until I pet her.

• They are great comedians and crowd pleasers when guests arrive. If food is present, Kayla will: sit, lay down, stay, play dead, roll over, crawl, shake hands, find a toy, jump through a hoop, and sing when I play the flute. I taught her all that within her first year; labs are exceptionally quick learners.

• Though they may be quick learners, they are far from intelligent. When we play hide ‘n seek, Kayla can never find me.

• They are extremely friendly. Aside from jumping all over guests, Kayla also attempted to befriend a skunk…

• They are unappreciated carpenters. Kayla magically turned our white carpet gray with numerous discolored splotches.

• They are the furriest foot warmers available on cold winter nights.

• They are the first to greet you when you come home. Always expect a wagging tail and a friendly kiss after a long day.

Conclusion: “Lab and man are best friends.”